When Emotions Speak Through the Body — And How to Heal Psychosomatic Pain Gently

 

Stacked stones balanced on a rock by a flowing river, symbolizing peace and mindfulness.

“The body says no, even when the mind cannot or will not.” — Dr. Gabor Maté

There are mornings when you wake up and your body feels like a language you can’t quite translate. A dull ache throbs behind your eyes before you’ve even opened them. Your chest feels tight, like a fist is pressing into your sternum. Your stomach is coiled into knots, and your shoulders feel as though they’re wearing invisible armor.

You brush your teeth, drink your coffee, try to shake it off. You tell yourself it’s just a bad night’s sleep, hormones, aging, the weather, the news. Anything but what’s true.

Because if you let yourself wonder what these pains might mean, it would open a door you’re afraid to look behind.

But even as you try to push these sensations away, a part of you knows:

Your body is speaking the words you’ve never dared to say.

The Unspoken Conversation

It’s a conversation many women have been trained not to hear.

We’ve been told, in words or in silent looks, that to be a “good woman” means to be agreeable, pleasant, strong, selfless. We’ve learned to swallow our tears, bite our tongues, hold back our rage.

We’ve become experts in pretending.

We say we’re fine, even when we’re not. We smile while something inside us is breaking. We carry on with our days, never noticing that our bodies are storing every unshed tear, every silenced truth, every piece of ourselves we’ve given away for the sake of peace.

I remember once speaking to a woman who told me, with tears in her eyes:

“My chest feels tight every time I’m around my partner. I thought it was asthma, but it only happens when we’re arguing and I can’t say how I really feel.”

Another woman confessed:

“My migraines started when I took on this job I didn’t want, but I felt like I had to. Every time I walk into the office, my head pounds until I can’t see straight.”

And another:

“I’ve lost my voice so many times. It’s like my body shuts me down whenever I try to speak up for myself.”

These aren’t random symptoms. These are psychosomatic pain — the body’s language for what the heart can’t bear to speak.

The Body Never Lies

We live in a world that tells us to push through pain. To pop a pill, go for a run, meditate it away. And sometimes, those things help. Movement, medicine, mindfulness — they’re all beautiful tools.

But none of them replace the one question we often forget to ask:

“Why is my body hurting?”

Because the truth is, our bodies are wise. They hold stories that our minds have buried.

  • A back that seizes up after years of carrying responsibilities that were never yours to hold.

  • A stomach that churns whenever you’re around someone who disrespects your boundaries.

  • A tight throat that closes every time you try to speak a truth you’ve been told is “too much.”

  • Skin that breaks out because underneath, you feel raw and exposed.

Your body is not your enemy. It’s the part of you that refuses to keep secrets any longer.

The Silent Rules We Learned

So many of us learned the same silent rules growing up:

  • Don’t be too loud.

  • Don’t be too emotional.

  • Don’t be too needy.

  • Don’t rock the boat.

And so we smile. We nod. We say yes when we mean no. We stay silent instead of speaking up.

But our bodies don’t know how to lie. They hold every truth we’ve ever swallowed.

I think of a client who once said to me:

“Every time I’m with my family, I get stomach pains. I thought it was something I ate. But really, it’s the stress of pretending everything’s perfect.”

Or another woman who whispered:

“When my boss raises his voice, my shoulders clench so tightly I can barely move. It’s like my body braces for impact.”

This is psychosomatic pain — not in your imagination, but living in the tissues of your body.

Why We’re Afraid to Listen

Listening to our bodies requires courage. Because if we listen, we might have to admit things we’ve spent years avoiding.

Like the grief we never processed from losing someone we loved.

Or the rage we feel about being treated as if our feelings don’t matter.

Or the shame we carry because someone once told us we were too much, too loud, too sensitive.

And so we pretend. We stay busy. We keep going.

But the body keeps speaking. Louder and louder.

When the Body Speaks Through Pain

It’s easy to dismiss psychosomatic pain as “just stress.” But stress isn’t imaginary — it’s physiological. It lives in your muscles, your organs, your nervous system.

I remember a woman who told me she felt a lump in her throat every time she tried to talk about her needs. Doctors found nothing wrong. Yet the sensation persisted — because the real issue wasn’t physical, but emotional.

Or the woman who developed eczema so severe it cracked and bled whenever she felt exposed in social situations.

Or the woman whose periods became excruciating after years of shame about her femininity.

Pain is not the enemy. Pain is information.

Psychosomatic pain is your body trying to save you from the silence that’s been killing you.

How Gentle Healing Begins

Healing psychosomatic pain doesn’t mean blaming yourself for your symptoms. You are not making this up. Your pain is real.

Gentle healing begins by becoming curious. By asking, softly:

“Body, what are you trying to tell me?”

Sometimes, the answer is immediate. A memory rises. A truth surfaces. Other times, it comes in whispers, pieces, fragments.

Healing might look like:

  • Taking five minutes to breathe deeply when your chest tightens.

  • Lying down and placing your hand over the place that hurts and saying, “I’m here. I’m listening.”

  • Crying in the car after pretending to be okay all day.

  • Finally saying, “No,” even if your voice trembles.

It’s small, gentle steps. It’s choosing to honor your body instead of fighting it.

The Life Waiting For You

Imagine waking up in a body that doesn’t have to scream to get your attention.

Imagine being able to sit with discomfort instead of fearing it.

Imagine trusting that your feelings — even the painful ones — won’t destroy you, but will set you free.

Because healing psychosomatic pain doesn’t mean you’ll never hurt again. It means you’ll understand your body’s language. You’ll know how to soothe it. How to rest. How to stop abandoning yourself.

It means you’ll no longer see your body as a battlefield — but as your safest home.

An Invitation

So today, I wonder — and I’d love for you to share if you feel safe enough:

When was the last time your body spoke through pain instead of words?

And if you allowed yourself to listen, what do you think you’d hear?

Because, my dear, you deserve a life where your body feels safe, where your emotions have space, and where pain no longer has to carry the words you’re too afraid to say.

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” — Prentis Hemphill

Want to read more? Check out these articles:

Healing Emotional Wounds: How Your Body Reveals Pain and Guides Healing 

How to Say No Without Guilt — And Finally Put Yourself First

Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy – It’s a Call to Listen

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